Clueless

Some women are; most men are just as – if not more so. It seems that more and more men out there are wanting to get hitched but don’t quite know how to get themselves so. Or worse, don’t quite understand why the womenfolk are running away screaming.

Some tips:

1. Keep your grubby paws to yourself!

I assume you can deduce why, but let’s expound on it further anyway.

Be a gentleman. Even if she is the most gorgeous creature you have ever set eyes on and she seems to like you DON’T START GROPING HER. (I hope the capitalisation underscored the point very clearly.) Restraint, finesse, and manners all point towards your understanding of social politesse – or lack thereof.

Women may like to play with bad boys, but they settle down with gentlemen. And oh, cavemen are as welcome as candidiasis.

2. If you can’t stand yourself when by yourself, don’t expect others to.

Wanting to be “complete” is one thing, but being “completed” by another person is stupid. It’s not impossible, but the likelihood of crashing and burning is far greater than if you come to the relationship acknowledging who you are.

Recognise your strengths and accept your weaknesses; most people will choose those “on the level” on any given day. Do what it takes to know yourself; if you need to be touchy-feely by your lonesome – whatever works, buddy.

3. Don’t command the woman to marry you and bear your children.

That’s just plain vanilla loser-ish. As much as most women would want to marry and breed, suddenly coming on like you’re her saviour from spinsterhood simply won’t cut it. It might actually work, if she were Rapunzel or Cinderella.

Why is that? Because wanting to be with someone for the rest of your life is a feeling and conviction. Imagine spending eternity with someone as suave as a sledgehammer – err, no thanks.

4. Let love bloom in its own time.

In the age of instant gratification we gotta have everything now, Now, NOW. However, relationships don’t work that way, regardless of “culture.” There’s this notion that those who have more “Western” than “Asian” values are direct, frank, and measure time precisely. That may be true, but where in all those qualities does it suggest lack of self-respect? To everything there is a season, a time and purpose under heaven.

Make the effort to discover each other using discreet methods and go slow. For example, pointedly asking “Are you romantic?” simply displays your own limited understanding of romance. Everybody appreciates being wined, dined and romanced; it’s an experience that can bring on giddiness and sensual thoughts. Asking such a question outright quickly dispels any romantic notions the lady may have had.

By the way, taking her to dinner without warning her that she may have to pay her share is just crude. Going Dutch isn’t a bad idea at all, but it can be disastrous for a first date especially if you didn’t discuss it. Nobody likes horrid surprises, so if this is your route do be upfront about it. She most probably won’t mind if you tell her beforehand.

Remember!

Patience is a virtue, and civility and urbanity make excellent brownie points when catching that gorgeous creature’s undivided attention. Now, don’t forget to breathe.

Living Award 2007 Recipient: Mary Johnston Hospital

The first and only United Methodist hospital in the country takes pride in announcing its selection by the Methodist Healthcare Foundation to receive the

Living Award for International Inspiration in Faith and Health for 2007.

The award is given to organizations that positively impact the health and well-being of national or international communities in a humanitarian way. The organization shall have affected healthcare nationally or internationally in a positive and extraordinary manner, being an inspiring example of a dedicated advocate for quality healthcare initiatives on a national or international scope, demonstrating concern, compassion, and commitment through its innovative programs and special services.

Mary Johnston Hospital has been cited for the inspiration, dedication, and service of the Medical Director, the staff and personnel of the hospital.

Dr. Myrna Puno-Velasquez has been invited to personally receive the award during the Foundation’s Annual Dinner on 25 October 2007 at the Hilton Memphis in Memphis, Tennessee, USA.

Listening Basics

Despite the constant emphasis on communication, today’s levels of understanding are worse than ever

Listening properly takes time and attention. It means that you have to concentrate on what the other person is saying, not on what is going on inside your head. Sadly, in our rushed, frantic world, with its obsession with quick gains, less and less real listening takes place. Yet to listen to another person fully and patiently is probably one of the greatest gifts you can give them.

You’re buying a car. The sales person asks you what kind of vehicle you have in mind. You start to explain—but how far do you get before he or she says: I’ve got just what you need?” The quicker that point is reached, the less actual listening has taken place. That salesperson isn’t listening to what you want to say. He or she is listening only for what can be used to make a quick sale.

Most people can hear—and more or less understand—words as fast as they’re spoken. They can even make superficial sense of what is being said. What they can’t do at high speed is listen—in the sense of understanding fully what the other person is wanting to communicate and what it means to them.

That takes time. Time to make sure you heard everything and understood their real meaning. Time to weigh all the facts and reach a reasoned conclusion. Time to hear what is not being said and take that into account too. Time to note the emotions behind the words and feel enough empathy with the other person to get on their wavelength. Time to consider the implications of their words and work out a comprehensive response.

When people listen and respond quickly, they can only operate on first impressions and gut responses.

Listening just for for my needs, not for what you want to say

The sales person who talks over your explanation with a pre-digested list of product features is only doing what they’ve been taught: responding to the first buying signals they think they’ve detected with an immediate attempt to close the sale. Their objective is to sell as much as possible as quickly as possible, not to understand what each customer might really want to explain.

In our hurly-burly world, speed has become a god. There’s no time for something as slow as proper listening. All there’s time for is reaching a quick decision on which pigeon-hole to push each event into, so you can get on to the response—the action part—as quickly as possible.

The art of listening

Real communicators differ from the far more common, fake kind because they start from a different set of assumptions

• They assume that they have no idea what the other person is going to say until after they’ve finished saying it in full.
• They don’t believe they’ve understood what has been said until they’ve verified it carefully.
• They assume that much of the real meaning is not in the words. It comes in the tone of voice, the stops and starts, the obvious signs of emotion, the body language. They give their full attention so as not to miss any of these.
• They have learned that they don’t usually know what the other person really means by what they said. It has to be discovered, if only because many people find it hard to express their thoughts fully without the patience and help of the person listening.
• They believe that everyone deserves a response based on careful, thorough thought—and that instant answers are an insult when the other person is taking the time and the trouble to try to explain.
• They know that understanding owes more to empathy than hearing—and that seeing through another’s eyes means no longer focusing on your own concerns, but on theirs.

People like this are, of course, far more successful communicators than those whose mouths typically work twice as hard (and fast) as their ears.

When they respond, what they say is exactly what is needed. When they ask questions, every one is relevant and insightful. When they offer a comment or an idea, it will be right on the button.

They may be slower, but they are orders of magnitude are more effective.

Only fools value speed over effectiveness; and only arrogant fools assume that they know what others are saying without showing them the courtesy of listening with care and close attention.

http://slowleadership.org/blog/?p=230

Underqualified? Overqualified?

How to Sidestep and Rise Above Credential Problems in Your Job Search

Every jobseeker dreads being told that they’re not a good fit for a particular position. In fact, according to Orville Pierson, career coach and author of The Unwritten Rules of the Highly Effective Job Search, many men and women in the market for a new job strictly limit the positions they apply for in order to avoid this kind of rejection.

But in truth, most successful jobseekers aren’t a perfect match with the stated qualifications for the jobs they’ve landed. And by writing off large numbers of positions just because you feel you might not be fully qualified for them, you may be severely curtailing the professional opportunities that are available to you.

Of course, employers outline minimum qualifications for a reason. You can’t expect to land a head chef position if the sum total of your kitchen experience is one summer as a part-time line cook. On the other hand, if you’ve got years of experience under your belt, it’s probably safe to expect that applying for an entry-level position is going to raise a few eyebrows.

In the Middle? Make the Leap!

In short, if you're vastly under- or overqualified for a particular position, it's probably not worth your time to apply for it. But if you, like the majority of your fellow jobseekers, fall into the grey middle area of the qualification matrix, it may be well worth it to take a risk and apply anyway. Maybe the help-wanted ad calls for 3 years of experience and you only have 2, but you also earned straight A’s in related college coursework. Or perhaps you’ve got an advanced degree when the job posting calls for an associate’s.

These are the type of qualification discrepancies that can easily be overcome with a bit of planning and strategic thinking. Apply these tips to increase your chances of coming across as the perfect match in your next interview.

• Customize Your Cover Letter and Résumé for Each Position. This is important for all jobseekers, but it’s especially vital if there may be concerns about your qualifications. By tailoring your application materials to each position, you can take the time to frame your experience, education, and other assets in the best possible light. If you’re underqualified, list volunteer experiences or coursework that pertains to the position. If you’re overqualified, focus only on the most relevant parts of your career.
• Make Your Salary Expectations Part of the Discussion from the Outset. In many cases, the labels “underqualified” and “overqualified” have to do with the employer’s concerns about compensation. If you don’t have the experience to completely fit the qualifications for a position, make it known that you’re willing to pay your dues and start out with a salary commensurate with your experience. On the other hand, if you have a great deal of experience, but want to change careers or enter a new area of specialization, clearly define your level of salary flexibility at the beginning of the discussion. If the hiring manager’s salary concerns can be satisfied, the importance of qualification concerns will likely diminish.
• Emphasize Your Unique Potential. Whether you’re underqualified or overqualified for a position, be sure to underscore the fact that you’re in it for the long haul and that you offer great long-term potential to the organization. What you lack in experience with other employers, you can make up for in on-the-job training, growing into the role over time. If you have a lot of prior experience, point out the ways that you will be able to leverage your accumulated skills and abilities in the new role, improving the organization as a whole in the process.
• Project a Winning Attitude. Many employers’ concerns about underqualified or overqualified candidates center on whether your experience (or lack thereof) will alienate you from the rest of the team. If you are a bit lacking in experience, take special care to convey an air of poise, maturity, and professionalism. If you’re overqualified for the position, make sure your interview demeanor is consistent with a humble team player who is eager to learn and fit in. You just might find that having the right attitude is much more important to your future employer than having the perfect qualifications.
  

http://www.hcareers.com/us/resourcecenter/tabid/363/default.aspx?articleid=694&&type=news&source=hosp-js-us-10-11-07

Hmm...

Today’s myths of accountability

Posted by Carmine Coyote under Management myths from our favourite site Slow Leadership

Conventional wisdom too often turns managers into slave drivers

To be accountable means to be liable to give an account of your actions and their results. It should not mean either accepting a duty to deliver those results, come what may; or always carrying the blame if results fall short. We are all accountable for our actions, but not in the way that is often interpreted. Today’s myths of management accountability are destroying careers and making the workplace into a forced-labor camp.

When things go wrong, the first impulse of many people is to look for a scapegoat. “Who is to blame for this?” they yell. “Heads must roll!”

Even a cursory glance at reality will tell you that heads rarely roll amongst those in senior positions. If any must be sacrificed to pay for the shortfall, it will be some hapless middle manager who wasn’t able to shift the blame elsewhere fast enough.

But what benefit arises from such purges? Do they represent anything save public relations: seeming to take resolute action to buy off criticism, while doing nothing to address the basic causes of the problem?

As Peter Cook once said to Dudley Moore in one of their famous TV sketches: “I believe I have learned all there is to learn from my mistakes. Indeed, I can repeat every one perfectly at the drop of a hat.”

What does accountability entail?

We hear a great deal about holding managers accountable. It is, if you like, the serious and acceptable face of the lust for scapegoats. In the Hamburger Management Game Plan that is in use by so many organizations today, there is no room for subtlety or shades of gray. You either deliver the expected results—however ridiculous those expectations are—or you are “held accountable.”

It’s a neat, satisfying doctrine . . . and almost completely false.

Shouldn’t managers be held accountable for what they do? Isn’t that the essence of what it means to accept a managerial position? Managers are charged to get things done as requested, and must suffer the consequences if they fail.

This, of course, assumes that results flow neatly from actions. So any shortfall can fairly be traced back to some managerial blunder.

In reality, chance accounts for results—good or bad—at least as much as anyone’s effort—usually more. Effort is often thwarted by a range of problems from poor strategy to uncooperative colleagues and unexpectedly resourceful competitors. Much genuine hard work goes to waste through chance events and unforeseen changes in circumstances.

True accountability

Accountability did not originally imply either responsibility or blame. It simply meant that the person was liable to give an account of their actions: to explain or defend them in a higher court—whether that meant the top executives, the shareholders, or the court of public opinion.

A game plan that imposes blind demands and punishes people who fail to meet them, for almost any reason, is a tyranny, not a management technique. The steady stream of executives facing charges of insider trading, falsifying accounts, and manipulating returns shows you the levels of desperate action people feel they must use to cope with the demands to be “accountable.”

Accountable managers should be able to give account of their stewardship and be listened to with care. Not only is that a civilized way to behave; it’s the best way to discover the true reasons for events, so that appropriate action can be taken. To be allowed to explain is what you expect for adult professionals. To be blamed without the opportunity to be understood is the kind of punishment inflicted on servants or slaves by tyrannical masters.

Focus on the real cause of your problem

Let’s return to the true meaning of accountability. When things go wrong, make people explain and account for their actions. Give them a chance to defend what they have done, before they are thoughtlessly condemned.

If more organizations were to do that—and do it genuinely, not as a sop to PR, with the verdict already decided—most would discover that the causes for poor results or operational problems have little or nothing to do with the manager in question, or his or her team.

Poor systems, poor strategy, penny pinching, following fads and fashions, inadequate products and—yes—sheer bad luck are the most common causes of what goes wrong in organizations. The punishment of scapegoats simply proves a way to avoid placing the blame where it really lies.

By substituting a set of myths, based on supposed personal accountability for everything, today’s macho management approaches actually prevent organizations from improving what most needs to be improved—their systems and policies.

George Orwell’s 5 Rules for Effective Writing Style

March 21st, 2007 by John Wesley

In our society, the study of language and literature is the domain of poets, novelists, and literary critics. Language is considered a decorative art, fit for entertainment and culture, but practically useless in comparison to the concrete sciences. Just look at the value of a college degree in English versus one in computer science or accounting.

But is this an accurate assessment of value?

Language is the primary conductor between your brain and the minds of your audience. Ineffective language weakens and distorts ideas.

If you want to be understood, if you want your ideas to spread, using effective language must be your top priority.

In the modern world of business and politics this is hardly ever the case. In many instances, imprecise language is used intentionally to avoid taking a position and offending various demographics. No wonder it’s hard to make sense of anything!

This is hardly a recent problem, and as George Orwell wrote in his 1946 essay, Politics and the English Language, the condition is curable. By following Orwell’s 5 rules for effective writing, you’ll distinguish yourself from competitors and clearly communicate your ideas.

1. Never use a metaphor, simile, or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
This sounds easy, but in practice is incredibly difficult. Phrases such as toe the line, ride roughshod over, stand shoulder to shoulder with, play into the hands of, an axe to grind, Achilles’ heel, swan song, and hotbed come to mind quickly and feel comforting and melodic.
For this exact reason they must be avoided. Common phrases have become so comfortable that they create no emotional response. Take the time to invent fresh, powerful images.

2. Never use a long word where a short one will do.
Long words don’t make you sound intelligent unless used skillfully. In the wrong situation they’ll have the opposite effect, making you sound pretentious and arrogant. They’re also less likely to be understood and more awkward to read.

When Hemingway was criticized by Faulkner for his limited word choice he replied:

Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? He thinks I don’t know the ten-dollar words. I know them all right. But there are older and simpler and better words, and those are the ones I use.

3. If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
Great literature is simply language charged with meaning to the utmost possible degree (Ezra Pound). Accordingly, any words that don’t contribute meaning to a passage dilute its power. Less is always better. Always.

4. Never use the passive where you can use the active.
This one is frequently broken, probably because many people don’t know the difference between active and passive verbs. I didn’t myself until a few months ago. Here is an example that makes it easy to understand:

The man was bitten by the dog. (passive)

The dog bit the man. (active).

The active is better because it’s shorter and more forceful.

5. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word, or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
This is tricky because much of the writing published on the internet is highly technical. If possible, remain accessible to the average reader. If your audience is highly specialized this is a judgment call. You don’t want to drag on with unnecessary explanation, but try to help people understand what you’re writing about. You want your ideas to spread right?

6. Break any of these rules sooner than saying anything outright barbarous.
This bonus rule is a catch all. Above all, be sure to use common sense.

These rules are easy to memorize but difficult to apply. Although I’ve edited this piece a dozen times I’m sure it contains imperfections. But trust me, it’s much better now than it was initially.

The key is effort. Good writing matters, probably more than you think.

I hope you find these rules helpful, and through their application we’re able to understand each other a little bit better. If you enjoyed this post, be sure to read Orwell’s original essay. It contains many helpful examples and is, of course, a pleasure to read.

How to Improve Reading Comprehension with a Mental Framework

September 26th, 2007 by John Wesley

Reading is all about information. It’s not about the number of words you read, but the amount of value you extract from them. The key to improved reading comprehension isn’t moving your eyes across a page more quickly. It’s about creating a mental framework that helps you process words and ideas.

With a bit of practice, anyone can read faster and more productively. The steps outlined below will help you to extract the maximum amount of information in the least amount of time.

The pre-reading survey
Nearly all speed reading courses recommend doing a pre-reading survey. The purpose is to gain a better understanding of the content and structure of the material. You’d be amazed how often people read through an entire book, only to realize that the information they need isn’t there. Pre-reading will make your reading more efficient by creating a mental map.

Start by reading the table of contents and the first page of the introduction. Then flip quickly through the material, reading only chapter titles, headings, and bold face print. Don’t worry about remembering anything specific, it’s more important to get a general impression.

The entire process should take less than 5 minutes. Afterwards you’ll know the layout of the book and the location of different topics. If you’re only interested in one particular section, you now know where to find it.

Define your purpose
Now that you have a general grasp of the material, you need to define a purpose. What information are you hoping to gain? This sounds like a simple question, but sometimes it isn’t. Different readers can have drastically different objectives. If you don’t define a purpose, it’s likely you’ll get bogged down by unimportant sections or ignore crucial ones. By clarifying what you need to know, you’ll be able to distinguish the important from the irrelevant and allocate your attention accordingly.

Create questions the reading should answer
In addition to a general purpose, it’s also helpful to write down specific questions. This focuses your mind on a set of objectives and gives you a way to measure comprehension. By writing down questions, you create a set of mental cues. Whenever you spot an important keyword in the text, you’ll become aware of the question it relates to and your mind will start looking for an answer.

Take notes or highlight important concepts
One of the best ways to embed something in your memory is to write it down. When you read an important point, make a note of it on a separate piece of paper, inside the margin, or use a highlighter. This will help you remember what you read and make the important sections easy to find when you review the text.

The post-reading review
After you finish reading, you need to determine what you learned. Did you achieve your purpose? Try to answer the questions you created beforehand. If you aren’t able to answer them, go back and look for answers near your notes. This process will solidify the knowledge in your mind and give you better recall. You’ll know what you learned, what you didn’t, and whether or not you need to go deeper into the text or look for other sources.

Image by zinkwazi.
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/improve-reading-comprehension/