Clueless

Some women are; most men are just as – if not more so. It seems that more and more men out there are wanting to get hitched but don’t quite know how to get themselves so. Or worse, don’t quite understand why the womenfolk are running away screaming.

Some tips:

1. Keep your grubby paws to yourself!

I assume you can deduce why, but let’s expound on it further anyway.

Be a gentleman. Even if she is the most gorgeous creature you have ever set eyes on and she seems to like you DON’T START GROPING HER. (I hope the capitalisation underscored the point very clearly.) Restraint, finesse, and manners all point towards your understanding of social politesse – or lack thereof.

Women may like to play with bad boys, but they settle down with gentlemen. And oh, cavemen are as welcome as candidiasis.

2. If you can’t stand yourself when by yourself, don’t expect others to.

Wanting to be “complete” is one thing, but being “completed” by another person is stupid. It’s not impossible, but the likelihood of crashing and burning is far greater than if you come to the relationship acknowledging who you are.

Recognise your strengths and accept your weaknesses; most people will choose those “on the level” on any given day. Do what it takes to know yourself; if you need to be touchy-feely by your lonesome – whatever works, buddy.

3. Don’t command the woman to marry you and bear your children.

That’s just plain vanilla loser-ish. As much as most women would want to marry and breed, suddenly coming on like you’re her saviour from spinsterhood simply won’t cut it. It might actually work, if she were Rapunzel or Cinderella.

Why is that? Because wanting to be with someone for the rest of your life is a feeling and conviction. Imagine spending eternity with someone as suave as a sledgehammer – err, no thanks.

4. Let love bloom in its own time.

In the age of instant gratification we gotta have everything now, Now, NOW. However, relationships don’t work that way, regardless of “culture.” There’s this notion that those who have more “Western” than “Asian” values are direct, frank, and measure time precisely. That may be true, but where in all those qualities does it suggest lack of self-respect? To everything there is a season, a time and purpose under heaven.

Make the effort to discover each other using discreet methods and go slow. For example, pointedly asking “Are you romantic?” simply displays your own limited understanding of romance. Everybody appreciates being wined, dined and romanced; it’s an experience that can bring on giddiness and sensual thoughts. Asking such a question outright quickly dispels any romantic notions the lady may have had.

By the way, taking her to dinner without warning her that she may have to pay her share is just crude. Going Dutch isn’t a bad idea at all, but it can be disastrous for a first date especially if you didn’t discuss it. Nobody likes horrid surprises, so if this is your route do be upfront about it. She most probably won’t mind if you tell her beforehand.

Remember!

Patience is a virtue, and civility and urbanity make excellent brownie points when catching that gorgeous creature’s undivided attention. Now, don’t forget to breathe.