Open Letter to a Scammer

Tips for you, the aspiring, soon-to-be-successful scammer:

1. Next time you want to run a scam, research. Do the work! There is an overload of information nowadays, thanks to our friend the Internet. For example,Glastonbury, Somerset (BA6) is about 185 km / 115 miles from Lambeth (SW8) London. You hesitated to tell me which tube stop is closest -- because there is no tube. The Underground doesn't extend all the way to Somerset.
2. Read, read, read. The whole literate world is at your fingertips -- make sure you catch their meaning in timely fashion. It's pathetic how a supposed Englishman keeps not understanding his lingua franca. Sarcasm is wasted on the illiterate. By the way, there is a world of difference between American English and British English.
   
3. Make sure you have coherent fake street addresses, websites and email addresses and keep them handy. You never know when you'll come across that inconspicuous bitch who asks too many questions.
4. Using children - or pretending to use one - is maudlin and uncreative. If you truly cared for children as much as you pretend to be, you wouldn't be exploiting the cute factor as much. It's just not logical. That goes for pretending to care for one's elderly parents.
   
5. Apropos to number 3, when asked a direct question don't sidestep. It's annoying in the least; it heightens existing suspicions, at the most. The more questions you sidestep, the more you'll get questioned: Keep those questions to a minimum!
6. Study human nature. This will give you the advantage in quickly gauging the susceptibility of a potential payor. You can then easily decide which strategy is best for which particular character. It's also possible that the fish you're trying to hook is actually hooking you.
   

If this looks and feels like a real job to you, it's because running a scam isn't as brainless as they'd have you think. It requires intelligence, dedication, perseverance, and interest in the human condition. You might have an easier time being employed by someone else -- you can actually rise to your level of incompetence by just coming to work daily.

Good luck in your chosen profession!